joeyrichtersbottom:

aimmyarrowshigh:

I wish we said “fancy” in America. As in, “I fancy you.” It’s such a more agreeable term than “I have a crush on you.”  What’s a crush? Like, I AM A BOA CONSTRICTOR AND I AM GOING TO IMMOBILIZE YOU WITH MY MISPLACED AND OBSESSIVE AFFECTION.  “I fancy you” is like, you’re so shiny and glittery and I just want to put you on a shelf and look at you for a while ‘cause you’re fancy.

in australia we just exchange boomerangs 

hobbitofthemotherfuckinshire:

Remember there was almost another twilight book but someone leaked it so Stephanie Meyer refused to finish and I’m 98% sure it was Robert Pattinson and god bless him

ex0skeletal:

Fun shark attack facts:

  • In 1996, toilets injured 43,000 Americans a year. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, 2,600 Americans were injured by room fresheners. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, buckets and pails injured almost 11,000 Americans. Sharks injured 13.
  • For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks.

Conclusions:

  1. Humans are assholes.
  2. Sharks are not assholes.
  3. Apparently everyone in 1996 lived in a real-life infomercial.

officialunitedstates:

every library is a bookstore if you are willing to pay the fines

officialunitedstates:

FACT OF THE DAY:  you can do it

tsarbucks:

when the person u hate does something that makes everyone else hate them:

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non-theatre person: *makes a musical reference and doesn't realize it*
me: *oh my god, that's from that one show*
me: *must resist reference*
non-theatre person: *continues with conversation*
me: *don't show your agony*
me: *must........resist........*
me: *BUSTS OUT IN CORRESPONDENCE TO EARLIER REFERENCE*
non-theatre person: .....
me: ......
me: "that was just from this one show"
non-theatre person: .....
me: "anyway, what were you saying?"

grimgrinningdisnerd:

thedisneyseries:

Being a grown-up means paying for your own Disney vacations.

ew.

librarean:

Hey girl, are you a Shakespearean play? Because you seem hard to date, but it would be awesome if I could.

chickennuggetpower:

Some snazzy looking textless Disney Renaissance posters I’ve come across so far.

fuckyeah-nerdery:

cranzerries:

cranzerries:

I dream to someday run a companies twitter

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Can we just talk about Smart Car doing math on how much bird shit it would take to damage their cars?

spenceromg:

I hate it when netflix pauses and asks me if im still watching like yeah you actually think i got up and started doing something with my life put my show back on

bowtiesandbatman:

If you don’t like Monty Python you’re wrong